Didn't See THAT One Coming

    Ever have one of those moments where you never saw THAT one coming? Where you found yourself free-falling through time and space, trying to grasp at anything along the sides to anchor yourself to? Where the tongue on your shoe was the only resemblance of a working mouth on your body? Where your thoughts and emotions were blindly swirling around in a vortex pulling you further and further down a seemingly depth-free drain?
    I've experienced several of those, and each one has been an unparalleled life changing experience for me. I wonder if those were the times that God decided to SNAP me out of my comatose state of living; if they were the next wake-up call to take inventory of my daily activities, my daily priorities, and my daily relevance in the grand scheme of God's plan for me. It would make sense, as I am certainly not one who picks up on subtle hints. .
     I look at the past sometimes and think to myself 'How could you not have known that?'. I try to tell myself those life experiences allow me today to look back and clearly 'see' things that I was not ready to 'see' then. Those life experiences bring clarity to the present; bring a collective essence of knowledge to refer to; bring a collage of memorable emotions to draw upon..
     Today, March 10, 2012, I fully accept that I stared down the spiraling drain of nothingness last week, and I did not drown. The all too familiar territory following urges me to be on the lookout for what's coming next; to take inventory of my time and the space that I occupy today; and to thank God for always taking care of me...........because I truly did NOT see that one coming.    
   

Guilty as Charged

     I am guilty: of not listening when others speak; of not listening through the silence until they speak; of not listening with the intention of receiving the message. Yes, I am guilty.

     Take this past couple of months as an example. I've spent countless hours with an amazing group of young people who have an unexpected compassion for others, considering peers their age rarely think of anyone except 'self '.

     I credit this compassionate group to the lives lived thus far by the individuals within. Each one brought an average of 11 years of wisdom gained through their own trials, heartaches, successes, and choices of lifestyles to the table: that table being a long white plasticone we gathered around most days of the week during lunch and my afternoon conference.

     Story after story, joke after joke, and rumor after rumor they grew more comfortable in sharing their lives with each other and myself. As the days went by, that comfort became a collective trust; a trust that led them to know each other on a more personal level; a level that was not shared outside the perimeter of the table. It is within that perimeter I am guilty of not listening...

     I am guilty of hearing and seeing; of a combination of sympathy and empathy that twisted my heart into pools of tears; of distress and prayer and bonding of souls that will endure 'til the end of it's allotted time.

     Those of you who give your personal time to teach, mentor, advise, comfort and 'love' the young people of our society know exactly what I've been experiencing. This is certainly not the first group of kiddos I've 'loved' in my 49 years on earth, and I pray it won't be the last; but this is the first group who overcame 'self' in order to reach out to each other. In turn, they committed to reaching beyond the perimeters of 'the table'.

     Search GLO DI 2012 on YouTube to witness for yourself God's children reaching out to save their own........

     I pray you seize every opportunity in your lifetime to work with the youth of our world and that you be found 'Guilty as Charged', while you experience a 'Love' that will change your life forever.

What is this "Love" that you speak of?

     Ahh, "LOVE" - Eros -Philos - Agape ; whether of the physical desire of pleasure for self, of the mutual benefit from friendship, or of the unconditional selfless commitment to another; whether of the heart, by choice, or in admiration; one would be inclined to quote, "LOVE makes the world go 'round."  It's a pleasing thought; the world spinning on its axis simply due to "LOVE".  No specific measure of the amount of "LOVE" needed, nor the length of time "LOVE" should exist, nor even the depths into mankind that "LOVE" must reach. "LOVE" in and of itself, not reliant on any other resources, causes the planet we inhabit to physically rotate, creating a binding force that affords me a stable existence within my environment.
     Okay, for those who know me, that was an extreme strain on my bank of scientific knowledge gained in High School. I am NOT a science enthusiast ( my limited rock collection is cataloged by shape, color, and amount of dazzle in the sunlight )...I truly hope I have not embarrassed myself...too much. What I remember from High School science class is that I would write out the teacher's notes on overhead transparencies for the rest of the class to copy, or grade papers, etc. in exchange for NOT cutting frogs open, or pricking my finger for an inglorious day of research under a microscope. We had an understanding that due to lack of contribution to the class assignment, I would not receive higher than and A- each grading period; a sacrifice I was willing to make.
    Those who know me, will also attest to the fact that I truly do believe "LOVE makes the world go 'round". My God IS "LOVE" and He IS the Lord of All; He IS the Creator and He DOES, in fact, make my world go 'round.
     My very existence can no doubt be traced back to the passion of Eros between my parents; a father and mother God chose for me, because He knew THIS child would need exactly what my parents could afford to give me ~ "LOVE".  With sisters and brothers by my side to embark upon great adventures ( overgrown pastures,  plum tree forts, paved and unpaved oilfield roads ) I grew up knowing what family is; in spirit, in trials and times of need, and in the greatest moments of joy and thanksgiving.
     As I matured into a young woman ( well, I like to think so ) God presented me with a young man of wistful thinking, living life to the fullest, and enjoying all this world has to offer. My admiration for him and intrigue of him grew steadily from Eros to an Agape of my own, as I learned to be wistful and enjoy the adventures of a fast paced world I knew nothing of.  I learned of new foods, new places to visit, new traditions in other families, new ways of living this life I was blessed with.
     Multiply that blessing by three; three God-sent babies/children/adults that I have had the greatest of honors of being an intricate part in their lives of "LOVE".  One of a quiet, honest, remarkable inner strength and peace that calms the restless soul of anyone within his presence.  One of a direct, best foot forward, unwavering devotion to a life of honor to her loving "God".  One of a free spirit, wistful thinking, living everyday to its fullest, enjoying all the "Creator" has blessed him with. ( sound familiar? )
     As my life has continued to advance through the years ( at an alarmingly rapid pace ) I have had the opportunity to gain new "LOVES", new admirations, and new relationships.  I have been given opportunities to choose "LOVE"  in order to get through a trying time or an afternoon bus ride home...
     "LOVE" has walked into my life in many shapes and designs, and through adventures down equally various paths.  "LOVE" has traveled with me on every occasion, some with rewarding memories, yet others with catastrophic proportions of sorrow as a result.
     It is with Joy and Peace in my soul that I begin each adventurous day with the Hope of "LOVE" presenting itself in the most serendipitous of venues, and I pray that I openly accept all blessings bestowed upon me as I, in turn, try me very best to align myself with this "LOVE that makes the world go 'round".

A Walk With God (3.16.2010) Leakey, Tx

I was in His presence this weekend. 

He made flowers bloom along the path 

as we walked along the river’s edge. 

The water laughed with us as we strolled beneath trees 

that beckoned us to sit in their cool shadows. 

He parted their limbs and allowed the warmth of the sun to fall upon my face, filling my soul with peace.  

I could feel His breath on my cheek as He lifted my hair and whispered in my ear…He loves me so.

Lessons Learned the Hard Way...with witnesses, ughhh

     There's nothing more emotionally painful than learning life's lessons WITH WITNESSES to the account. God has been ever so patient with me while in this learning phase (that seems to be lasting the duration of my life). There are entirely too many of them to recount, besides the fact that I seem to be remembering only the most recent lessons learned. Hmm, a side effect of aging, perhaps? Regardless, this weekend proved to be a date and time in history I will never forget, and neither will Vanessa! Vanessa is my 18 yr old niece who enjoys sharing a good adventure with her Aunt Brenda. Okay, Okay she's lonely and is desperate enough to follow me around on my adventures and SHARE  a good laugh or two...at my cost. I don't mind, though, because with Vanessa at my side, I'm forced to be the adult role model...right?

     We set out Saturday to have lunch at our fave Mexican food restaurant, which afforded us the privilege of making ourselves miserable on Sweet Tea and enchiladas. With our only preset goal of the day being taking in the latest installment of the inexplicably popular Twilight, we headed for the theater to get our tickets for the matinee. It's all about saving money, you know; plus I figured no one else that age would be awake yet and we'd be able to get good seats. We were astounded to learn this magnetic thriller had already left the theaters! WHAT!?  This was doing nothing to support my fantasy of being able to hang with the young one for the day; a quiet theater was my only hope for a nap after that meal!  After some quick thinking on my part, ( difficult on a full tummy ) we decided to replace the thriller with a comedy: One for the Money with Katherine Heigl proved itself satisfactory but did nothing for my yearning for a nap. 

     A little shoe shopping to top off the day, followed by a Starbucks run ( a must have for successful Saturday adventures ) and as we tootled down the highway headed for home, I noticed the annoying yellow light on my dashboard alerting me to a Low Fuel situation.  Hmmmmm....wonder how long that light has been on? No worries; I've been fueling vehicles all by myself for more than half my life and am extremely thankful for the ability to step out of my car, insert my card into the machine, punch in my zip code, my weight and my blood type and begin fueling. On this blustery chilly afternoon, I retreated to my warm car and my grande mocha w/one pump cinnamon dolce, waiting for the machine to reach the $75  fuel limit my card company has unrealistically set for my comfy gas guzzler. When I heard the usual 'pop', I climbed out of the car, left the door wide open and reached for the nozzle. Imagine my confusion, my startled shriek, my quick jumping-jack reflex when I pulled the nozzle out and spewed gasoline all over the place! After hearing Vanessa's muffled voice from inside the car, "Oh No you didn't!!" I decided I must DO something; so I tried to put the nozzle back in the tank.  YES that was my first attempt at problem solving my current issue! When I realized all I had done was give my car a nice gasoline shower, I dug deep within my skill-set and realized I needed to TURN THE THING OFF!  Mind you, this all happened within just a few seconds, as it is my nature to think quickly on my feet, and I was able to just click that little latch thingy on the nozzle and shut'er down!

     I meekly climbed back into my car, realizing that Vanessa had just witnessed the Coolest Aunt in the world pull an 'old-lady' type stunt, I smiled and laughed nervously and defended my apparently now fading hearing. "I swear I heard that thing pop...didn't you hear that thing pop?"  This is where the Coolest Aunt in the world expects her hip young neice to 'have her back' as they say, but the quiet response was, "Oh, no...I didn't hear anything...but I wasn't paying attention, so......you know....".

     To add to my state of confusion, ( yes it got worse ) when I started my car, the fuel gauge read one notch BEYOND full....how could that be?  If gasoline was still flowing, how could that be the end result?  Of course, I used this to my full advantage, pointing the evidential  facts out to Vanessa. Bless her heart, she was equally as confused as I was, if not more!

     I pulled out of the filling station, hoping no one realized the gasoline spill WASN'T there BEFORE I pulled in, and resumed our original destination for home ( before anything else happened  ). Of course, you know that can't be the end of my adventurous day. NO!, because on the way home, my loving husband called and as I was explaining the mysterious situation I had so gracefully handled, he informed me that he has heard of the trigger getting stuck like that before. Oh, be still my beating heart! My knight in shining armor had arrived to save me! I just love that man....for all of about 3 seconds as he proceeded to remind me the caution signs at the pump clearly state DO NOT LEAVE CAR UNATTENDED WHILE FUELING........hmpf.

( note to self: the little latch thingy of the nozzle is called a 'trigger' )